To Bi Or Not To Bi
by Amy Louise
Art by Amy Louise.
Note: this article refers to the bisexual community as a whole, which includes all bi/pan/non-monosexual identities. For the sake of cohesiveness, the author has chosen to refer to the umbrella term; bisexuality, rather than each individual identity. The author personally identifies as bisexual/queer cis-woman.
“Schrödinger’s Cat” is a thought experiment that denotes that if you lock a cat in a box along with something that could kill said cat, the cat is simultaneously both dead and alive, because confirmation cannot be guaranteed until the box has been opened. With this in mind, writer and twitter user Helena Greer recently used the term “Schrödinger’s Queer” to refer to the way in which bisexual people are viewed both outside and within the LGBTQ+ community.
I'm confused abt how radical queer liberation is going to be achieved by random Twitter gatekeepers policing identity language like bouncers at a shitty nightclub, & also by the idea that bi ppl are some kind of Schrodinger's Queer who only exist w/I queerness while fucking?
— Helena Greer, Hella Queer (@BlumAgainCurios) May 16, 2021
A peculiar comparison one may say, if it weren’t so apt. Many if not all bisexual people can confirm that their experience as a queer person is often marked by questions of validity, dependent on how much sexual and romantic experience someone has, if any at all. Oftentimes, if a bi person comes out, but they do not have any previous sexual or romantic history with someone of the same gender, then their statement is immediately called into question. Most often, this behaviour comes from cis-gendered, heterosexual people. Disappointing, but to be expected from a community that has never had to defend their sexual or gender identities. However, ever-present bi-phobia within the LGBTQ+ community means suspicion is often rampant amongst its other members as well, with notions such as “straight-passing”: the idea that someone’s appearance would make them automatically perceived as heterosexual, regardless of orientation, or the idea that one would act queer for some sort of clout, or the darker notion that you could be “scorned” by a bisexual person who is treating you as a temporary homosexual holiday, being just a few reasons bisexual people may be treated with distrust. This distrust isn’t present amongst every member of the LGBTQ+ community, but it is certainly rampant enough to ensure that the spot occupied by bi people will always be treated as a provisional one.
It is within these ridiculous standards that “Schrödinger’s Queer” truly comes into the fold, highlighting that for many members within the cishet and LGBTQ+ communities, a bi person’s “legitimacy” is confirmed via action, rather than simple existence. It is reliant on supposedly correct people witnessing certain actions and nothing else. It is important to note that in this case, the romantic and sexual experience a bisexual person must have in order to be properly deemed a verified member of the LGBTQ+ community is, obviously, supposed to be with people of the same gender. Obviously. If a bi person is not observed in the act, then the simple fact is, they don’t exist. Presumably, the innate ability to know oneself is just a magical superstition in this case.
There’s many layers as to why this is a wholly problematic box to place bi people in, notwithstanding the obvious fact that nobody should feel obligated to share their sexual history just so they can earn a somewhat tentative sense of belonging within a community. Most importantly, “Schrödinger’s Queer” fails to account for the barest definition of bisexuality; romantic and sexual attraction to more than one sex or gender. If a bi person only “counts” as a bi person when they are in a same gender relationship or consistently having sex with the same gender, then the whole point of there being a separate definition is irrelevant, and an entire aspect of a bi person’s identity; the fact they can also be attracted to people of different genders to their own, is completely denied.
If we were to opt for this almost Descartian attitude towards sexuality, where in this case “I think therefore I am” becomes “I am currently having sex with a person of the same gender, therefore I am queer”, then it wouldn’t be a ridiculous notion to presume that all sexualities are held to the same standard, not just the ones that lie in the middle of the spectrum. “A heterosexual man who has never kissed a woman is not straight”. “A homosexual woman undergoing a sexual dry-spell is not a lesbian”.
However, this is quite clearly a ridiculous notion that undermines significant struggles faced by the homosexual community in particular, whereby one’s coming out is often met with the common question from cishet family members and friends of “how do you know?”, with the simple answer being “I just do”. With this in mind, the notion of “just knowing” is unfortunately not granted to bi people by members of either community, instead they are often met with suspicion and disbelief on both sides.
The simple fact is, whether it is within the LGBTQ+ community or outside, bi people are treated with a certain level of distrust. Their position within the community is treated as temporary, ready to be snatched back the second the bi person enters a relationship or has sex with someone of a different gender to their own. Rather than experiencing the comfort of belonging to a wider community, bi people are generally quite aware that their existence will always be called into question. Be this based on “scorned” ex-partners, the notion that being queer is a trend or the completely valid concept of “compulsory heterosexuality”; the notion that heterosexuality is enforced and assumed by our patriarchal society, which has been morphed by modern online discourse to become something that attempts to negate the bisexual experience as a whole, particularly amongst cis-women.
So what do we do? Regardless of intent, bisexual people are viewed by both the homosexual and heterosexual communities as being the sum of their experiences; sometimes the past (if it’s recent enough), always the present and never the future. A bi person may finally enter a relationship with someone of the same gender at the age of 60, or they may never. The point is that society will view them as heterosexual until they do. If a same-gender relationship does come about, is one enough? Or is a bi person expected to “tap” in every now and then to refresh their latest queer experience for fear it will no longer be considered legitimate by the wider LGBTQ+ community. These are the questions that come about with regards to society’s attitude towards bi people. They are being forced to abide by a standard that most other members of the LGBTQ+ community are not expected to abide by, and to put it bluntly, it’s not fair.
With these standards presented to our “Schrödinger’s Queers”, it’s no wonder that many bi people have moved away from attempting to assimilate amongst their gay and lesbian peers and their own individual means of appearing “queer-coded”, instead attempting to develop some variation of culture for themselves that is theirs and theirs alone. Rolling up the cuffs of your jeans, sitting weirdly on chairs and getting a “bisexual bob”, whatever that is, sounds ridiculous when said aloud. However, these actions, memes and poorly-thought out think-pieces reflect a community aware of the fact that their “queerness” will forever be up for debate and are desperately attempting to conjure some form of tangible proof of their existence that isn’t reliant on who’s hand they are currently holding, and who they kiss at the end of the night.
With this all in mind, bisexual people are left with two options; you either exclusively have relations with people of the same gender in order to gain an unsteady place within the LGBTQ+ community, or if you are in a heterosexual relationship or currently having sex with someone of a different gender, you must accept that your identity when viewed by most non-bisexual people will always be “straight until proven otherwise”, and your presence in queer spaces, however inclusive they are deemed to be, will still be met with slight suspicion, regardless of intent, or even your partner’s own sexual identity.
One might ask, does it matter? The LGBTQ+ community is fractitiuous regardless, with the rejection of both transgender and asexual people as well as the repeated silencing of people of colour within the community being just three very signifcant issues amongst many others. It begs the question, do you have to be accepted by the wider-community in order to truly belong and feel valid in your identity? Can you not affirm it for yourself? The short answer is - yes, obviously. However, that is easier said than done. I cannot speak on the behalf of transgender and asexual people, or relate my experiences to queer people of colour, however, bisexual people, when referred to in the loosest of umbrella terms (and by that I mean, anyone with a non-monosexual identity), regardless of who they choose to kiss during this time, still undergo very similar experiences to their gay and lesbian peers as they attempt to come to terms with their sexuality. They experience the same worries about rejection, the same internalised phobias, the same confusion. In turn, these communities exist because people want to experience a common understanding with people who have had similar experiences to their own and they want to feel accepted by others similar to themselves. Acceptance could be interpreted as one of the most basic of desires for any queer person within their community, and it should be automatically granted, rather than provided on approval by the relative authorities. Hopefully we’ll eventually reach a point where there is a true place carved out for us within the community that isn’t dependent on a particular set of circumstances. For now, I wait, and appreciate the acceptance by those who do understand. Simultaneously dead and alive, queer and straight, such is the fate of the bisexual community, the “Schroedinger’s queers”.
