The Competition of Life
Words by Anna Mac.
Life is hard, and the act of comparison makes it harder. It seems to be inherent in us to compare all aspects of ourselves, and it is something we are taught from a very young age. What age did you begin talking, walking at, and how did it compare to your siblings? How many times were we told how special we were when we were growing up, and how many times was it implied that we were the best at something, at everything?
As a child, in the world of sports, we are split into winners and losers, even if you’re on the winning team. If you played a team sport like I did growing up, you’ll know what I mean when I say the teacher’s pet of sports. Coaches had their favourites on teams who got special treatment because they performed better than the other 8 year olds on the teams. I have memories of being on the bench for a whole game in camogie, and playing on the starting five of my basketball team up until I was a teenager when things began to get a little more serious. I was a loser in camogie, and a winner in basketball, and treated as both respectively in each sport.
The winner/loser aspect of judgement seeped into primary school too. Some people were deemed “smarter” than others and were separated into different reading and maths groups from a very young age. I remember a lot of bullying happening between these groups from both sides because, by separation, we were automatically in competition with one another, intentional or not. From a superiority complex of the brighter kids to the rebellious flare from the children who were slightly lagging behind, there is an unspoken rivalry that follows you around forever: the winners versus the losers.
Art by Amy Louise.
Teenage hood is a funny thing. Puberty hits, romances evolve, a new school journey begins. Along with all these changes comes more competition. Some schools are streamed academically, mine was not. That said, however, it was an incredibly competitive school with a major lack of practical subjects such as tech graph and woodwork. We had applied maths instead, with huge focus on academia and attending university. Everyone was in competition with each other within our classes, and with this competition came the development of personal rivalries.
Personal rivalries can vary from being better at something than someone else, to being prettier, being thinner (when I was in school fatphobia was rampant), or being more popular. Some of these things don’t matter to a lot of people when they are in school, and power to them. For the people it does matter to, it can be all consuming and totally take over someone’s personality. I am talking bullying, trolling, harassment, anything to let the rival know that they are #winning and they are better than their competition.
When we leave school, winners often become what are deemed losers in the “real world’. Losers are literally defined in the dictionary by “a person who is disadvantaged by a particular situation or course of action.” Once we leave school, a perspective changes on what makes a person a winner and a person a loser. Personally, I hate the word loser, I think it devalues someone’s personality and minimalises any good qualities they have. Similarly with the word winner, there is a superiority attached to it that they are elite and can do no wrong. We are categorised by everything we do, compared with everyone we cross paths with, and fight in our jobs for that promotion against someone else who wants to be a winner.
Good self-esteem is probably one of the most important qualities someone can have. It allows you to be confident, to pursue your dreams, and to feel worthy. With us constantly in competition growing up, it is difficult to expect anyone to have high quality self-esteem unless they have been winners their whole lives and have stayed hidden up on their high horse. Comparison is the vice of humanity, yet we are taught our whole lives to be better, do better than those around us. A whole new industry has even grown in response to this; the self-care and well-being industry.
The well-being industry is trying its absolute hardest to get us to unlearn all we’re taught growing up about being a winner or a loser at some stage in our lives and instead try to learn to love ourselves. It is trying to get us to change our perspective on the way we view ourselves and make us realise that we are all equal. Just because someone may be more talented at a certain skill than you doesn’t make them a better person than you, nor does it make you a better person for knowing this. Nobody is better than anyone at their core - we are all valuable in our own way with different talents and thoughts to contribute to the world.
The well-being industry and self-care phenomenon has really taken off since the beginning of the pandemic, with more people trying to mind their mental health, their sleep, their diet and general quality of life. It is an excellent asset to have, this well-being business, because it provides one with tools when the going gets tough. Self-care is more than treating yourself to a bubblebath or a face-mask, but making choices that feel right for you. With that said, however, there is a danger: when does self-care become selfish?
Society today is more narcissistic than ever. It is not only accepted, but celebrated. This narcissism can often become toxic, and compassion and empathy can get lost in the mix. It’s all well and good to put yourself first, and I’d be the first person to tell you that, but compassion for others is a necessity. Some people are talkers, some people are listeners, and that’s okay too, but the problem is that some people do all the talking and others do all the listening, and there is no balance. People become their own winners, their own role models and begin to put themselves before absolutely everything and everyone. There is no joy or love in this, and humans are meant to feel love, give love and receive love. If you are your own number one fan, that is wonderful, as self-love is so important - but don’t forget about everyone else.
If you have stuck with me through reading this article, the main thing that I would like to get across is balance. Find balance in life. Have the bubblebath, but do it while texting your friend as they are going through it. Offer support as much as you can to those who need it, and that’s not to say to spend all your time listening and counselling, but be there for your people as well as for yourself. If you can’t offer help, offer empathy - often it is just as effective. Balance your needs with those around you. The God complex is alive and kicking, with more and more people taking the main character role a little too seriously. Don’t forget about those around you and spend all your time focused on yourself as an act of self-care - that’s not what self-care means. Don’t be a winner or a loser, just be you and emit as much love, compassion and kindness as possible.
