Not All Hunky Dory

Words by Casey Hynes.

Crisps. Fucking yum.

There’s not a week goes by (if not a day, honestly) that I don’t sample a selection of the delicious golden crispy discs. A multitude of flavours. A variety of ways to be eaten. It would set your heart a flutter.

Like a rosy-eyed adolescent on the cusp of her youth and searching to find true love, throughout my two decades of life I have courted many a crisp packet and flittered between an assortment of favourites, casting my favour upon them all like a maiden fair of old, sans handkerchief or medieval jousting tournament. For many, flings and dalliances such as these die out with age, but I am young and care-free (70% of the time). Some flights of fancy were incredible. Being titled Pringles Girl on a couple of UCC YikYaks in 1st year. That time me and Dylan got stopped on Oliver Plunkett Street to blind taste-test the mystery Keogh’s flavour last March. Moments not to be forgotten.

But none of these prevented me from meeting my match. Their thickness. Their golden curves. Their flavour. How could I resist?

I thought we’d go the distance. I thought it would last forever. We just worked well together. I was loyal. I was (relatively)* faithful. I was in their corner. No hiccups occurred. Bar that one time Daybreak on College Road seemingly had a bad batch that tasted like pure artificial smoke flavouring, and I may or may not have written an email of complaint to Hunky Dorys HQ. But I digress.

*Side note: admittedly, I’ve never been a ‘monogamous’ crisp eater.

What was to go wrong?

Then it all changed. Without warning, and so swiftly.

Were the changes so huge to be incredibly obvious? No. But I noticed. I deliberated over it all internally for days. Tore my hair out. Maybe I was imagining it? Maybe it was just me?

A blind taste test answered my questions. Nothing was the same. They were no longer the crisps I had grown to love.

Left broken-hearted and empty-handed, what’s a poor girl to do but start again? These last couple of months I have rebuilt myself after this betrayal, and pondered my life and experiences thus far. Re-evaluated, some may say. So, after all this time, here it is. My new top five crisps, in no particular order. It’s been a hard list to re-make, but it had to be done.

1. Walkers Sensations Thai Sweet Chilli

Yes. These are just right. The flavour. The spices. The heat. Not to be eaten every day really, but just in those special moments. Like your Mam’s good plates, but better. If I’m ever really blocked up, an entire share pack of these will normally remedy it.

2. Tayto Cheese and Onion

Honestly, you can’t make a list of favourite crisps without the OGs themselves, and without mentioning the other tasty flavours. Despite the absolute crime they (and Largo Foods) have committed against me by changing Hunky Dorys’ flavourings, I can ignore it by acknowledging the tremendous amount of delicious snackage Tayto provides me. Cheese and Onion. Salt and Vinegar. Smoky Bacon. In my tummy, thank you. (Not Prawn Cocktail though. Those are fucking foul. Walkers, Pringles and Skips have gotten that flavouring right, but not Tayto. In the bin.)

3. O’Donnell’s Sea Salt

I thoroughly enjoy O’Donnell’s crisps, because of their hand-made feel and the illusion of being healthy they give me. The only flavour of theirs that’s a hard pass for me is the Ballymaloe Relish one, and that’s just due to personal preference. The choice for me are their simple Sea Salt crisps, because they're just the best basic crisps. They achieve something Walkers cannot (though Walkers Ready Salted is still a fave) and what Tayto doesn't even attempt. Just a big ole bag of salty goodness.

4. Pringles Sour Cream and Onion

Pringles are always going to be in my top five, it just depends on what my ‘flavour of the month’ is. Currently it’s the classic Sour Cream and Onion, truly one of their best (available in Ireland at least). Some would debate whether these are crisps or not, but they’re on the list because they are at the very least a potato snack that is found in the Crisps and Snacks aisle of your local supermarket. Doritos, on the other hand, are not crisps. Logical thinking here.

5. Walkers Max Cheese and Onion

I would write poetry to these crisps. They are beautiful. Stunning. Dependable. Everything a ridged crisp should be. My love for them is pure and hard to describe in so many words, but has stood the test of time, remaining a steadfast love for many years.

Honourable Mentions:

Any snack/crisp of the soft crunch or chew variety, for all are great and valid, for example Meanies, Monster Munch, Onion Rings, Skips and Wheelies. (Special special mention to Banshee Bones and Bear in the Big Blue House snacks, gone but not forgotten xoxo)

I know now that I can’t depend on one brand of crisps for the rest of my life.

I must seek out pastures new, and seek out further options and choices for my snackage. There’s a big world of new crispy delights out there for me.

Now is the time.