Kels of all Passions, Master of None.

Words by Kelsie Fitzgerald.

One would assume that writing about love and passion would be an easy thing, one would assume wrong. Some of the greatest works of our time have been about love and passion. Love and passion are some of the greatest influences on pop culture whether it be books, music, plays, films or TV. From a young age we are led to believe that we should follow our passion wherever it takes us, to find love (whatever that means). If this is the case, then why has this topic been such a hard one for me to write about? I had no clue where I would begin so I thought of love and what it means to me and to be honest, it all fell into place. I have a loving relationship with myself, for the most part, I experience love through friends and family and I’m fortunate enough to be in love with a wonderful partner. With love out of the equation I pondered passion and what that meant for me, as it turns out I have a love/hate relationship with the concept of passion. What I can confirm is that I am a very passionate person. If I’m interested in something, I give it 100% of my attention. I can also confirm however, that this interest more times than not is incredibly short lived.  On the other hand I’ve always viewed passionate people as the ones who follow through, who are passionate about their hobbies, jobs, interests and excel at them throughout their life. In that context I’ve struggled because quite frankly that just ain’t me. 

A young Kelsie beginning her singing career.

If you were to name any classic childhood hobby, sport or activity I can nearly guarantee that I tried it at some point in my youth. At the ages of four and five I was in love with ballet and gymnastics, at six or seven I was dead set on art classes, skip forward to when I was eight and I was all about being in scouts (or one of those types of groups, I can’t remember which). When I was nine or ten all I wanted was to play the piano, which didn’t last and was soon replaced with wanting to play guitar. Throughout secondary school I played a few sports including badminton, hockey and rugby. I realise that this is essentially a big ramble, but this list is only the tip of the iceberg, I haven’t even touched on the periods of time when all I wanted to do was play ice hockey or even train to become a professional wrestler. All I can say is that my parents were saints, to the best of their abilities they enabled me to explore my new passions, even knowing that it probably wouldn’t last even when I promised that this was the thing that I would stick with (lol).

As an adult, my zest for new hobbies is still strong and sometimes questionable at best. As a teen or a young adult, I would often get jealous of my friends and people in my class because they were able to progress at their chosen interest, they had such a passion and drive that lasted longer than a few weeks or months. Going through it I never thought about it much but when I did, I would beat myself up and berate myself because I couldn’t stick with things long enough to reach goals or see actual results. I was the girl with a million hobbies but a master of none of them. My feelings of frustrations and uncertainty didn’t just stop at hobbies however and that became abundantly clear when it came time to think about university and what to do after school. I had absolutely no clue what to do with myself and I still don’t fully know now to be honest. Back in 2012 my CAO application was a mess, that is until my then boyfriends mam said I’d make a great nurse, and I rolled with it – luckily accepting a place in a pre-nursing course instead of the full four years because by Christmas I was dead set on doing my Leaving Cert again. This time round I jumped between music management in London, Journalism in Dublin and Film in Cork. I got into UCC and began my degree in Film and Screen Media, which I thought would be my life long passion, I would be a director or producer… But, in classic fashion it began to lose its sparkle and while I completed my degree I knew a future in the film industry wasn’t for me. 

Graduating from UCC.

Throughout my life at different times I’ve struggled with what’s wrong with me, why can’t I do things like my friends or the people around me do? How come even when I do love something and I’m passionate about it does it always go from a hot flame to ashes in a matter of weeks or months. I’ve had to accept this about myself and it hasn’t been easy but I always try to look deeper at the positives and as frustrating as it can be sometimes there are also some benefits to the way I am. If it wasn’t for my interest in doing a film degree I wouldn’t have met the Be Nothing Club crew, if it wasn’t for my interests in sports at a younger age I’d probably be way less fit than I am now. I’ve found that some passions of mine do stick around, rearing their heads, drawing and art is one that comes back to me every few months although usually in different forms – recently it’s been trying to make digital planners.

Life is never boring and I usually have a story to share like how I spent three solid weeks back in 2016 learning to play the spoons. Having many interests and passions has also meant that I get to meet amazing and great people from all different backgrounds and can usually learn from them and also share with them things I’ve learned along the way. In a practical sense the year I spent learning about nursing and the few years I spent in the Order of Malta have given me life skills which I have been able to use in real life situations. While in The Order of Malta I learned how to give CPR and administer first aid - having watched what happened to Eriksen during Denmark vs. Finland match, these are things everyone should try and learn at some stage. 

Graduation from pre-Nursing.

I sometimes wish that I could have one, two or even three passions which I kept going throughout my life – perhaps I’d be living as a dancer or a midwife or if 13 year old Kelsie had her way, I’d be wrestling with the WWE by now. These days I am slowly accepting that I will have half finished passion projects waiting for me to get back to (this ones for you, knitting). I needn’t be so hard on myself for the way my brain works and in fact I should embrace and roll with it.
In the year 2021 and at the grand ol’ age of 27, I’ve realised that my passion right now is to simply find new things to be passionate about. There doesn’t need to be only one thing I work at and succeed at, but instead finding a new passion feels good and makes me happy in the moment, even if it doesn’t stick.