Embracing Femininity
By Katie Burke
Over the past century in particular, it has become increasingly evident how androcentric the world, particularly the Western world, can be. It has been highlighted how the world has been male focused and how historic systems serve to benefit the male population primarily. In the past it was lack of access to education and voting rights for women, and today debate rages on regarding the continued minority of women in high power roles across many industries and the gender pay gap. However, perhaps an equally necessary conversation to have is the favouring of masculinity over femininity, and why this is to the detriment of people of all sexes and orientations. For decades we have lived on a world that is not dissimilar to a treadmill, constantly on the go in pursuit of achieving our goals in a linear and rational fashion – aligning itself with masculine traits. We had little time for the feminine approach where we could simply ‘be’, surrendering ourselves to the flow of life or acknowledging our emotions and seeing them as strengths, rather than weaknesses. The Covid 19 pandemic has inarguably changed all that.
Firstly, it is important to acknowledge that masculinity and femininity are not exclusively associated with one’s sex, nor are they determined by it. Instead they are gendered traits, attributed by society. Masculinity, whether it be in people or other aspects of life, is associated with strength, rationality and clarity. Femininity, in contrast, is associated with all things soft, sensitive and emotion. It’s like clothes in a way. Masculine design equates to more straight lines and simplicity. Feminine design equates to more flow, colour and lack of linearity. Essentially, masculinity is black and white, while femininity meanders in the grey area.
The favouring of masculine traits occurs not just in people but in other aspects of life, and oftentimes there are negative consequences to this. Take academic research for example; not somewhere you expected there to be a battle of masculinity versus femininity, right? Quantitative versus qualitative research methods force us to think differently. Quantitative (e.g. surveys and systematic observation) relies heavily on clear results and is hygienic in its nature. Qualitative (in-depth interviews and content analysis) delves more into the hazy outlines of what it means to be human and looks at the complexities and contradictions of individuals. Quantitative gets more precedence as it is seen to give more definitive answers, something that humans crave, often to the detriment of research. While there are benefits to more masculine based research methods, they only give one side to a story.
Just like research methodologies, rather than attempting to create an environment where both feminine and masculine traits are celebrated, the favouring of masculine traits in humans is detrimental for many people. Let’s take those who identify as men and women for example. While there is much talk about how the patriarchal world system benefits men in succeeding in life, it is also important to acknowledge how the preferential treatment of masculine traits exists to the detriment of men. When associated with humans, masculinity relates to strength, linearity and leadership, things men are to be lauded for; often leaving little room for straying from the beaten path of what a man is “supposed to be ” or expressing one’s emotions. “Leader of the pack” and “man of the house” are just two commonly used phrases that can place immense pressure on men to always be the pillar of strength. Unsurprisingly, this leads to a difficult relationship between men and the expression of their feelings. Men who have softer temperaments or lean into their feminine energy more than their masculine have historically been bullied or seen as strange – not being a “real man”. Men who struggle with their mental health can feel weak or like failures, and in Ireland we see the repercussions of this with the worrying state of men’s mental health.
When we look at women, it is also evident how the favouring of masculine traits and lack of understanding of feminine traits can negatively impact on them. Should a woman more heavily lean into her feminine side, she is told she is “too emotional”, viewed as fragile and hard work. It is rarely seen that with emotion comes passion, something that would undeniably be an asset in life, yet we remain terrified to release this side of ourselves as we cannot neatly compartmentalise it. In contrast, in the 1980s, the role of women within business became a talking point. Haircuts became shorter, the power suit became an emblem of women claiming their space in the boardroom; all to be seen as women pounded their way to work pairing their suits with trainers in the pursuit of comfort rather than style. Women wanted to prove they could be as driven and assertive as their male counterparts, subconsciously changing even their appearance to reflect this.
Undoubtedly a significant moment for the feminist movement and women across the Western world, it appeared that even amongst women it was subconsciously thought as better to shun feminine traits in favour of masculine stereotypes if one wanted to succeed. Once again, masculine traits, both physical and personality-wise were given preference, rather than there being an attempt to create an environment where the benefits of feminine and masculine traits within the world of employment could be placed on equal footing. Yet despite the adoption of overtly masculine traits, should a woman lean into her masculine side more, she could be seen as cold, ruthless and almost un-human or un-womanly; a no-win situation. In a nutshell, men must be tough, women must be soft (even if this is not the preferred temperament to succeed in the world). We cannot be both and that was the perspective given for decades.
Why are we so scared of a lack of definition? Is it because as humans we naturally seek labels and boxes to put ourselves into? Clean-cut and no questions asked. Our lives and personalities can often be so full of complexities and confusion that we find relief and shelter in the linear lines that masculine qualities presents us with. We are told we have to act certain ways to achieve success, and from an early age we are fed an idea that all our lives have to follow the same linear pattern – go to college straight out of school and know what you want to do with your life, have a steady career by your late twenties, be married by your early thirties, have kids at a certain age. The list goes on and on. Outside of our own traits, we thrive on routines and planning our lives to the last millimetre. Then a lot of this stopped in March 2020. Suddenly everybody was stuck at home and the linear patterns we subconsciously followed were paused. There were no holidays to plan, business meetings to attend, no always being on the go. As if overnight, we were left to sit with our feelings. It bewildered us, and even scared us. Going from routine based lives to nothing shocked us to the core, how could our world just stop? Did Covid 19 not know that we had plans made and things to do or see? Did the universe not know that we were busy? Did it not know that we had not factored a pandemic grinding our everyday life to a halt into our countless diary and calendar plans?
Femininity thrives on complexity and haziness, never restricting one’s energy to living between the lines. Perhaps Covid 19 is offering us the chance to embrace such a perspective on life and be more welcoming to a more feminine approach to living. If there was ever a time where we have all felt our emotions fluctuate dramatically it has been the past year and perhaps that is not a bad thing. Expressing our emotions has been frowned upon for decades, particularly in Ireland, and has created a vicious cycle of negative mental health for many, in place of sharing our thoughts and feeling with others to lighten our mental load. With Covid 19 forcing us to confront our feelings as we all face multiple challenges as a result of the pandemic, this may be the perfect opportunity to finally acknowledge our emotions, something associated with femininity, and thus by showing empathy and sensitivity to not only others, but ourselves, we may begin to find some peace.
Despite our incessant need to be in control and our fervent attempts to compartmentalise our lives perfectly in black and white, the pandemic has taught us that this can be in vain. Instead, we have been forced to meander in the grey area, relinquish control of our normal rituals, and sit with the complexities of our emotions. While all these things have been tough and families have suffered great loss, if we are looking for chinks of light then there are also gains to be made in this climate. None of this is to say that the minute our world returns to what we knew as normality we won’t all be immediately planning holidays, meet ups with friends and making plans to succeed in achieving our goals in life. To do much of this we need the masculine approach of rationality and assertiveness, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, there is great power in realising that great strength not only lies in masculine rationality, but in delving into the unknown of ourselves and our emotional side also.
The aim of this article is not to say that masculine traits are bad and that feminine traits are superior. Instead, it is merely putting the idea out there that by shifting our perspective on life, which the pandemic is offering us the chance to do, we may begin to acknowledge the benefits of feminine traits such as sensitivity and living outside what is expected of us. In doing this we may realise that these things are nothing to fear but instead when in tandem with masculinity, are an avenue to a more balanced and fruitful life experience, where we can find strength not only within the lines but outside them too.
Katie Burke is a pop culture expert, a dabbler in all things fashion, and is a trained stylist who has also served as fashion editor for both UCC’s Motley Magazine and the UCC Express. While much of her interests are related to fashion, she is also passionate about other topics, having studied politics and history for her undergraduate degree, and is a recent MA Women’s Studies graduate. Katie is known for her addiction to hats, and is rarely seen without a flamboyant coat and some form of leopard print on her. Like everyone, she is taking time to figure out where she wants her life to go while exploring fashion and writing opportunities.
Katie has written for Be Nothing Club previously, with her article Womanhood, Motherhood and Identity.
