I ONLY WANT TO HEAR…

Words by Liam Horgan.

How many minutes does it take to change your life? It’s a broad question which many have failed to answer. Until now. The answer is 1 minute and 58 seconds. That’s right, a relatively short amount of time, but nonetheless life changing. I am of course referring to how long it takes to listen to the song “Jaja Ding Dong” from Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga. Imagine my surprise, when on March 15th during the Academy Award nominations, “Jaja Ding Dong” was nowhere to be found? How could this happen I ask? Sure the entertaining ditty that is “Husavik” was nominated from Eurovision but that’s like nominating your neighbour’s child’s chalk drawings against the Mona Lisa. 

How long are we going to let the Best Original Song category get away with nominating songs that aren’t worth it? It’s frankly embarrassing and has been for some time. Let's have a look at some of the most egregious mistakes from the last few years. All the way back in 2004 “Accidentally in Love” wasn’t nominated despite clearly being the best song that year. 

Cast your mind back to 2017 when Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone were in La La Land. That year, the Song category committed a major sin. That’s right, they didn’t nominate “Drive It Like You Stole It” from Sing Street. I’ll just let that sink in. Yep you heard that right, no nominations at all. Zero. The nominees that year? “City of Stars” and “Audition (The Fools Who Dream)” from La La Land. “The Empty Chair” from Jim: The James Foley Story, "How Far I'll Go" from Moana and "Can't Stop the Feeling!" from Trolls. That’s right, they gave Justin ‘it took me 20 years to say I’m Sorry’ Timberlake an Oscar nomination for making a song about singing dancing turds; and not “Drive It Like You Stole It”. 

Moving on, let's look at last year, 2020. Elton John ran away with the Oscar early on for “(I'm Gonna) Love Me Again” from Rocketman. Never mind the fact that Elton John had already won for the Lion King (and that he holds an annual Oscars after party, which is one of the biggest after parties every year). Nobody seemed to mind the fact that he was going to win. It was obvious. Except then, Cynthia Erivo took to the stage and performed her song “Stand Up” from Harriet. I mean, I’m not sure if you’ve heard this song before, most of the Academy clearly hadn’t. But boy was it embarrassing when Elton John won after Cynthia Ervio did THAT! 

I know you’re reading this thinking “but Liam, who cares?” Well dear reader I care, and frankly that’s enough. Which brings me back to this year’s nominees; the already mentioned "Husavik" from Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga, "Fight for You" from Judas and the Black Messiah, "Io sì (Seen)" from The Life Ahead, "Speak Now" from One Night in Miami… and "Hear My Voice" from The Trial of the Chicago 7. It’s clear “Jaja Ding Dong” should be among these ranks. Hell they even nominated La La Land twice back in 2017. Now I know this feels like some hyperbolic nonsense, but it’s unfortunately not. To put it simply, “Jaja Ding Dong” should have been nominated (and it should win) the Best Original Song Award. Sure 1 minute and 58 seconds seems a bit short but it’s not like the Academy hasn’t honoured shorter running times before. Anthony Hopkins famously won Best Actor for playing Hannibal Lecter in a performance worth 16 minutes of screen time. The shortest ever winning performance was by Beatrice Straight in Network (1976) for a total of 5 minutes and 2 seconds of screen time. So as you can gather, historical precedence is there.

But look, there's logic behind why ‘Jaja Ding Dong’ should have been nominated. First ‘Jaja Ding Dong’ is a analogy about sex. With lyrics like ‘Love expands when I'm with you’ and ‘ I wanna spill my love on you all day’, the meaning is apparent. The song is literally a giant euphemism. Listen guys, I don’t know if you know this but sex sells. Due to the pandemic, birth rates around the world are at a low (surprising for a society that has been indoors for most of the year). So what better way to get those rates back up than by promoting a giant sex song. Furthermore, this isn’t a hot and heavy, “Hot in Herre” sex song, this is a throwback to wacky songs like “Loveshack”, “The Macarena” and “Live While We’re Young” by One Direction. This is important because you know what else sells? Nostalgia. I rest my case.

Next, let's look at the narrative of Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga. The film follows Lars and Sigrit as they navigate the inherently gay energy that is Eurovision. Throughout the entire film, the only song that the people of Husavik tolerate from the duo is of course, “Jaja Ding Dong”. Early in the film, when the duo perform at the local (only) bar in town, they are accosted by the crowd until they perform “Jaja Ding Dong”. This scene was so effective that the character of Olaf Yohansson, a resident who is obsessed with "Jaja Ding Dong", became an overnight hit. Again, the bar is returned to at the end of the film, where despite proving themselves at Eurovision and performing ‘Husavik’, the locals “only want to hear Jaja Ding Dong”. Thus you have to wonder, why nominate ‘Husavik’ at all. The song, despite being great, was responsible for Iceland being eliminated from Eurovision and isn’t even liked by the locals. Canonically the only song that Lars and Sigrit perform which is liked is “Jaja Ding Dong”, and that’s because “Jaja Ding Dong” is a bop. But don’t listen to me, listen to this guy.

Look, awards shows don’t mean anything. They don’t change the world and they frequently snub great and worthy art. But this year I just feel that maybe we should be nominating the media that actually got us through a tough time, even if that is Will Ferrell singing a song about how his (probably not related) partner turns him on. It’s been a weird year. Regardless, I leave you with this, a 10 hour loop of “Jaja Ding Dong” courtesy of Netflix themselves. Welcome to the “Jaja Ding Dong” Express, cause we’re never stopping. 

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