The Art of Ghosting
Words by Anna Mac
“I had a nice time”, they exclaim. “Let’s do this again,” they mutter. “I’ll text you later”, they say. Then radio silence for days. Weeks. Months. Forever. Sound familiar? Hate to break it to you, but you are being ghosted.
Urban Dictionary defines ghosting as:
Ghosting comes in many shapes and forms, much like a spooky shapeshifter, often giving off the opposite feeling of a poltergeist: nobody is watching you, let alone paying attention to you. Ghosting could take place after a sweet coffee date, a random hook up or could even happen with friends. It is a most notable move of the Fuck Boy , someone who wants to dine and dash in the bedroom and leave you high and dry.
In the age of social media, it has never been more obvious when someone is ghosting you. You may send the perpetrator a message the day after meeting them, or patiently wait for them to message you, but alas, silence. You may see them tweeting or posting a story, or heck, even see when they were last active on Facebook messenger. However, your message goes unopened with a delivered tick, or ignored for days in their DMs, until eventually you come to the perilous conclusion: you are being ghosted.
The odds of bumping into the person if you live in the same town are quite high, so what happens there? Could it be the classic staring at their phone as they walk past? Or the obvious avoidance of crossing the street? That’s not your problem - keep your chin up princess, your tiara is falling.
So, the question must be asked: why do people feel the need to ignore rather than confront? Our generation is very outspoken, warriors of change, a realm of hope for the future. Repealing the 8th, marriage equality, basic human rights, becoming a legal obligation in the past decade or so, yet when it comes to talking about feelings? Ew.
Nobody likes being rejected, nor do people like being the rejector. No matter what the scenario, if you end any relationship with a friend or partner, you will always be the villain. I have ghosted people and also been ghosted, so to see what the public had to say, I did a poll on my Instagram account (which has a whopping 166 followers - more of a finsta) and the questions are as follows:
Have you ever been ghosted?
33 votes for yes, 13 votes for no. What was interesting here is the majority of no answers were male; there were a few ladies who have never been ghosted. The mass of yes votes were also women, which makes me ask the question of fellas, are you leaving people on seen or just not texting at all?
Would you rather be confronted or ghosted that the person doesn’t like you?
This was an interesting one. I presumed most people would like to be confronted, and 43 of my loyal followers proved me right. With only 4 people voting for a preference of being ghosted, although it is still a major minority, it surprised me that people would rather be blanked than told that their friends or love interests do not want to see them again. Truth hurts, I guess, right?
What is the furthest someone has gone to ghost you (blocking etc.)?
A few stellar stories from this question appeared. There was the classic getting left on read and never replied to again, “the dreaded blue tick” as they said themselves. There was blocking for someone thinking someone was “crazy”. Another was “blocking on WhatsApp and unmatching on Tinder only to go on and match with me AFTER on bumble.” I mean, why would you bother?
With regards to users of dating apps, a story I received was as follows: “truly iconic is getting blocked on grindr when you send a photo of your face lmaoooo. Their profile is suddenly gone and like they never existed </3.” Not exactly the self confidence boost one needs, but dating apps can be full of dickheads. It takes luck and determination for the spider to catch the perfect fly.
So, what is there to do in the case of being ghosted? For such paranormal activity™, often it is best to ignore them right back and leave them equally spooked. They could be a headless horseman and not see their one way ticket out of Doomsville (dating apps, am I right) they have found in front of them. They are a ghost of the past, and it is best to keep them that way. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
