Same-Sex IPV Among Gay Men
Words by Jamie Branigan.
When you look up the definition of “Love” it’s defined as “an intense feeling of deep affection. The definition of passion “ a strong and barely controllable emotion” Together love and passion are the ultimate amalgamation for a strong relationship. Even stronger than sugar, spice and everything nice. It wasn’t until I was doing my masters that I found out the dark undercurrent that comes with Love and Passion among gay men.
I remember in college we were discussing domestic violence and drug use in one of the modules, my lecturer said something along the lines of “unfortunately we can’t look much at gay men because of the data”. I honestly couldn’t conceptualise what she said. I know it sounds ridiculous but I just couldn’t believe gay men were involved in domestic violence. I canvassed for the marriage equality referendum, did my undergrad thesis on pride, and looked at so many issues facing the LGBTQIA community. I thought I was somewhat educated on most of the issues particularly around gay men. Naturally I decided to do my thesis on domestic violence among gay men. I’ve witnessed the consequences of domestic violence growing up, so this project is incredibly important to me.
I spent 4 months researching, interviewing and reviewing literature on Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) among gay men. I was overwhelmed with what I found that I previously had no idea about. Through influence of the feminist movement, IPV came to be primarily seen as an issue only pertaining to women. Domestic violence theory was developed with only heterosexual couples in mind. Within our culture, while it is changing, it is almost acceptable for a woman to victimize men. You see a girl slapping a man out on dame street and think “oh jaysus what did he do to deserve that” If the roles were reversed you instinctively know what’s happening is wrong. According to the research, IPV is the third largest issue facing gay men after substance abuse and HIV¹. Gay men face IPV at higher rates than heterosexual women. For such a widespread problem you’d imagine there’s so many services, resources and discourse around it. One of the reasons why same-sex IPV continues unaddressed is Homophobia and internalised homophobia.
Significant mental health problems plague the LGBTQIA community, particularly depression and anxiety. Homophobia from a partner heightens a victim’s anxiety and depression. Research suggests homophobia as one of the main reasons why same-sex IP goes unaddressed². The LGBTQIA community suffers from “Stigma Consciousness” This is where a person of a stigmatized community expects to be stigmatized. This further contributes to the detriment of gay male victim’s mental health. Victims are afraid to speak up about their abuse in case of a homophobic backlash. Perpetrators capatalise on homophobia and use it as a tool to continue their abuse. Victims who are not out to their families suffer shame from both shame and fear. Homophobia acts as both a barrier to victims seeking help and as a tool to continue abuse and capatalise power and control over the victim.
The next reason gay male IPV goes undetected is Victimisation. Like I said earlier, society generally accepts that men are masculine, dominant and tough. Both gay and straight men struggle with perceiving themselves as victims. Heteronormative discourse acts as a barrier preventing men from conceptualising themselves as a victim of violence. Some victims really struggle with the idea of being a victim because their boyfriend may be more “feminine” they may be smaller in height. It conflicts with what the idea of a victim is. Gay men are more susceptible to be victims of IPV as they’re more likely to suffer from depression and low self-esteem. Victims are also afraid they’ll be double stigmatized if they try to reach out for help. As a result IPV among gay men continues in silence.
The most disturbing finding, which I won’t cover in much detail, is the link between HIV and IPV. Data suggests victims with HIV are less likely to leave their partners, they fear judgement and being alone. They fear dating in a community they feel judges them. If the perpetrator has HIV, the victim is less likely to leave due to guilt, shame and love. According to research victims with HIV can be fragile and more prone to physical violence. Perpetrators use HIV as a way to keep the violence hidden. Threatening to tell family and friends. Perpetrators reinforce constantly to the victim they will be alone, they will be rejected. Forcing the victim to suffer in silence.
The last topic is services. In Ireland there are no dedicated services for gay men in IPV relationships. There is only one service in Ireland for male victims of IPV. When I interviewed them for my thesis they said they had a handful of gay men come to them, the main reason being there was no awareness. They didn’t realise they were victims and just called. There is no data or stats for same-sex IPV among gay men in Ireland. Underreporting is the biggest issue facing the establishment of new services. As I said earlier, gay men either don’t know they are victims or are afraid to go to someone in case of a backlash. The Guards can’t tell the difference between a victim and a perpetrator. They arrive at a disturbance and see to men with bruises and blood, it’s seen as a mutual assault. It is of utmost importance the government launches a task force, invests in campaigns for the public to highlight awareness and fund services to research the topic.
I titled my thesis “How Can We Solve A Problem That Doesn’t Exist”. If there is no visible problem, there is no need to solve it.
References:
Pattavina, A., Hirschel, D., Buzawa, E., Faggiani, D. and Bentley, H. (2007). A Comparison of the Police Response to Heterosexual Versus Same-Sex Intimate Partner Violence. Violence Against Women, 13(4), pp.374–394. (Pattavina et al, 2007)
Toro-Alfonso, J. and Rodríguez-Madera, S. (2004). Domestic Violence in Puerto Rican Gay Male Couples: Perceived Prevalence, Intergenerational Violence, Addictive Behaviors, and Conflict Resolution Skills. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 19(6), pp, 639-654 (Toro-Alfonso and Rodríguez-Madera, 2004)
If you or someone you know has been affected by domestic abuse here are some organisations and charities which may be of use.
Men’s Action Network (MAN) - Website: http://www.man-ni.org
Men’s Aid Ireland - Website: https://www.mensaid.ie/
MOVE Ireland - Website: https://www.moveireland.ie/
Adapt services - Website: http://www.adaptservices.ie/
AkiDwa - Website: Akina Dada wa Africa-AkiDwA
OSS Cork - Website: http://www.osscork.ie
Women’s aid - Website: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/
Refuge - Website: https://www.refuge.org.uk/
ManKind Initiative - Website: https://www.mankind.org.uk/
My name is Jamie Branigan. I’m 25 from Louth living in Dublin with my boyfriend. I work for a homeless service. Since I came out I’ve always wanted to do more and more for the LGBTQ community through research. If you want to read more, feel free to message me and I can send you a copy of my thesis.
Twitter: jamiebranigan
Insta: jamiebranigan
